OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
