we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
