If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
