is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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