get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
