I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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