nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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