my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
