is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
