When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
