So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She bit a glass in half.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
