We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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