Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
