I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
