This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
