I bet he comes in French.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
