My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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