maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
