I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
this boner is exhausting
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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