hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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