Cold hands, warm shart.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
When did angry sex become our thing?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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