I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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