he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
