There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
