He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
