I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
