i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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