Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
