It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm at about main and main street
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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