i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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