he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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