i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
