his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
