Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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