I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
No more Irish car bombs ever.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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