So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
