I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
