"it" just moved
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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