I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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