her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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