Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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