last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
