I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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