my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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