He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
