I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
