the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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