absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I need a beard to bite.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
