And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
