well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
