he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
