I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
