I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
