those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
