They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
