week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
